Proof that my girlfriend is the greatest possible:

1- Consider the greatest possible girlfriend

2- It is greater to exist than to not exist

3- Therefore to assert that my girlfriend is not the greatest would be a contradiction, because it would be to make the greatest possible girlfriend less than some other girlfriend we could think of

Second proof that my girlfriend is the greatest possible:

1- Consider the greatest possible girlfriend

2- Clearly if she didn’t exist this would be a contradiction, since she would be inferior to some really existing girlfriend

3- Therefore she exists (and is the greatest possible girlfriend)

Third proof that my girlfriend is the greatest possible:

1- I have the clear and distinct experience of having the greatest possible girlfriend

2- No evidence can convince me otherwise since all other evidence is weaker in form than this clear and distinct experience

3- Therefore she must be the greatest possible girlfriend (or at least it is irrational for me to doubt that she is the greatest possible girlfriend)

Fourth proof that my girlfriend is the greatest possible:

1- If something is possible it is conceivable, and vice versa

2- I cannot conceive of her as other than the greatest possible girlfriend

4- Therefore it is impossible for her not to be the greatest possible girlfriend

5- Therefore she is the greatest possible girlfriend

Fifth proof that my girlfriend is the greatest possible:

1- Consider the hierarchy of possible girlfriends

2- If she wasn’t the greatest possible girlfriend she would be inferior to some girlfriend in the hierarchy

3- There is no such girlfriend

4- Therefore she is the greatest possible girlfriend

That she has every possible perfection:

1- Given that she is the greatest possible girlfriend to assume that she lacks any perfection would be a contradiction, since it would then be possible to think of a greater girlfriend who had that perfection.

That she has no competition:

1- Clearly if she is the greatest possible girlfriend then her only possible competition could come from others who are equally as great as her

2- Consider these hypothetical rivals, either they are equal to her because of their essence of because of something else

3- If it is their essence then they are the same as her, and she has no rivals after all

4- If it is something else then there must be something that makes them equal

5- But this something else would thus itself be greater

6- This contradicts the premise that she is the greatest possible girlfriend, and thus it is impossible for her to have rivals

Note: These “proofs” adapted from arguments about the existence and nature of god. I knew they would come in handy someday!

While I certainly understand and appreciate the satire of this post, if you actually wrote this for a particular girl, or with a particular girl in mind, then you can no longer call yourself a man. ;-)

Comment by Jeff G — February 14, 2007 @ 2:12 am

I guess someone’s a bit bitter and lonely. Because, yes, it is for my special lady.

Comment by Peter — February 14, 2007 @ 2:18 am

Aww… that’s the sweetest thing ever. Love you!

Comment by Diana — February 14, 2007 @ 12:00 pm

Here’s a little something for you. :)

Comment by Diana — February 14, 2007 @ 3:28 pm